I had a really good idea about something to blog about this morning. And I thought about pulling out the computer and writing right then, but I had a clingy baby who wouldn't let me put her down and a toddler who was trying to smother said baby with every pillow from every room of the house. So I decided that I'd dedicate tonight to writing that post. Only now it's tonight and I have no recollection of what brilliant thoughts were swirling around in my head this morning before my brain was slowly sucked from my body throughout the day.
But such is life most days right now. Balancing all the things and managing little people with little wills of their own leaves me pretty much useless come that glorious moment when both children have been shuffled off to bed. Netflix and the couch win pretty much every night when up against using brain power from the brain I just lost to try to come up with some witty or profound blog post. And so the many spectacularly enlightening posts that I have written in my head while I'm driving or walking to the park or making mac and cheese continue to go unwritten in reality.
Silas was sitting on my lap this morning while I read him a book when Junia decided she wanted to join the fun and started climbing on me too. I settled them both onto my lap and kept reading, but Junia kept yelling and trying to put the book in her mouth and bouncing up and down until Silas finally announced, "This is absurd!" He said the same thing when he walked by the mound of dirty laundry that has been growing in the hallway over the past several days since I put it there thinking I'd get to it that day.
Later today Silas noticed that Junia was trying to pull herself up on his toy bin to stand all by herself. It's something we've seen her attempt several times, but she hadn't quite figured out how to place her feet in the right spot or use her strength to pull up. Somehow Silas knew there was something different this time, and he started yelling at me frantically to come quick because Junia was going to stand. His excitement for what his sister was about to do was so intense and so sweet. And when she actually did stand up, he was jumping up and down with happiness and saying "Good job Baby!" over and over again.
I don't know why these two stories popped into my head in regards to this topic (or lack of topic). I guess my emotions about life at this moment feel a bit like the contrasting emotions Silas had in both these stories. Sometimes, my life feels absurd. It is chaotic and unplanned and messy and mundane, and I can't stay on top of anything. Projects get left undone, meals do not get planned (or made...at least by me), and I pray every day that no one knocks on our door and sees the state of my house or the state of my appearance. Because before I can decide to pretend we aren't home or throw something decent on, Silas will run to the door and open it with an overly cheerful greeting, most likely naked or in his underwear. But my life, strangely enough, is also wildly exciting. There is never a dull moment with Silas and Junia. They fill this home with so much life and joy and newness and wonder, and I get to be swept up in all of that with them. I laugh more than I've ever laughed, I have more fun than I've ever had, and I hear Silas tell me unsolicited every single day, "Mama, I love you. You're cute." And that makes all the absurdity and unwritten blog posts worth it.
We have a sign in our house that says "These are the Days", and I know it's true. I bought it because I know this time of our life right now is the time we will look back at and remember was so so good. It's a time we will look back and miss. But I don't want to miss it now, even if that means I'm passed out on the couch by 8:00 every night with a to do list that never got touched and a house that looks like hell.
The moment just after Junia stood up....because I wasn't quite fast enough to catch her in the act.