February 27, 2013

"See I am Doing a New Thing"

When Nick and I first started trying to get pregnant, I sort of anticipated that we might have a hard time.  Things weren't right with my body, and I knew it.  I just didn't know what it was, and the doctor wrote me off like it was no big deal.  So, I decided it really wasn't a big deal and that if we weren't pregnant after six months, we would adopt.  I never really cared what happened first...biological kids or adopted kids...we just knew we wanted both.  We thought we'd start trying to get pregnant because obviously age plays a factor in the whole fertility thing, and I was thirty.

Six months in, we were not pregnant.  But, I felt like I needed to try to figure out what was wrong with my body.  So, the testing began.  That was the fun part...except it wasn't.  All those tests showed that everything was perfect, and no one could figure out why we couldn't get pregnant.  So, we gave ourselves until the end of the summer to get pregnant because that would put us at one year of trying to conceive (and three years of wanting to conceive) unsuccessfully.  The end of August came, and when that last cycle failed, I didn't even cry. I was sick of the chronic grief that is infertility and ready to move on.

I poured myself into adoption.  I finished our home study application, I read tons of adoption books, I made our adoption profile book.  But not knowing what was wrong with me was still eating at me, and I honestly felt God telling me not to give up looking.  So, I started researching.  I scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist.  I wanted to have more blood work done for all my hormone levels.  I kept reading about the thyroid and how it affects all your hormones.  It was a long shot based on my lack of symptoms, but I decided I wanted it checked during the blood work too.  My doctor wasn't even going to let me have it checked, but I insisted.  She had my blood work sent to the fertility specialist so we could have the results at our appointment.  We showed up to the appointment, and lo and behold, I have hypothyroidism.  The doctor immediately prescribed me medication, told me to come back in a month to have it rechecked and that we could do insemination. We thought this sounded like a good plan (especially since insurance covers insemination....awesome!).

Within a week of taking the medicine, I could feel a difference.  I started feeling like a totally new person.  I went back for the blood test and my thyroid was pretty much down to the normal range.  And now, the things that were going wrong with my body for the last two years are suddenly no longer a problem.  So, we've figured it out!  We should be able to get pregnant! Let's do insemination and speed up the process, right?!?

We waited for the next cycle to come so we could get started, but everything changed in that month of waiting.  I knew what was wrong with my body.  I knew that now we could get pregnant.  But, suddenly my desire had shifted.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself in the infertility.  I tried so hard to be like everyone else...everyone who got pregnant so easily around me.  I never lost my passion and conviction for adoption, but I became consumed by my lack, plagued by fears of being left on the outside.

The helplessness of our situation drove me to God. I had no control, and he had total control.  I begged Him to give me what I wanted, the same thing he was giving to so many others, and he didn't.  Instead, he gradually guided me to an answer, while being present with me in the pain. And along the way, He renewed my excitement and desire for adoption.  

The honest truth is, I still don't really get it.  I don't know why infertility is part of our story. I don't know why we've had to struggle for so long. And God still hasn't answered the question of why.  But, we've found scripture to be true when it says our suffering produces perseverance and character and hope and that all things work together for our good.  Not the egocentric "good" where we get God on our terms and our timing, but the sort of good where we find ourselves still called to God's purposes in the world. 

I don't know what will happen with our fertility at this point. But what I do know is that God called us a long time ago to adoption, and it had absolutely nothing to do with infertility. And right now, even though we may have treated the cause of the infertility, God has made it abundantly clear that the time is right for us to take seriously his call to care for the orphan. 

So, without further ado, I am thrilled to announce,



Adoption is God's heart, plain and simple.  And regardless of whatever way we got here now, it's good, and humbling, and a privilege to step into the rhythms of God's love for the world through adoption. 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19


12 comments:

  1. THAT is awesome! Domestic? International? Age?

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  2. Great news!! What an encouraging post!! So happy for you guys and that you have found peace in His plan!!

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  3. Congratulations! I have no doubt your baby will be very loved!!

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  4. Just knowing about the medical issue wil put that at peace. You will pribably conceive and adopt at the same time. I have seen it happen more than once. You are so ready for a baby that you may just get a couple.

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  5. That was so inspiring, Mindy! You and Nick will be wonderful parents!

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  6. Congratulations! What exciting news and thank you for sharing!! I can't wait to hear where your journey takes you and to see pictures of your babies! You and your husband will be amazing parents.

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  7. Brilliant!
    Thanks for sharing this with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out, I'm sure all our readers and bloggers will be thrilled for you too.

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  8. great news - and good to read some of your story through the weekly adoption shout out

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  9. That's great news.
    Sometimes it's just the way life is... (I don't think anyone knows why) but welcome to the journey and I look forward to reading more

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  10. Whoohoo! Congratulations, it's a crazy awesome journey. Hardest and best thing you will do. Enjoy the ride!

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  11. wowwowowow! Incredible! Adoption is such a blessed thing. (As someone who was adopted and has lived to tell the tale:-) xoxo

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  12. What a lot you've been through to get to this point but fantastic news that you are going to adopt. I hope to hear more about your journey and thanks so much for linking up with the weekly adoption shout out.

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