tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5537420320725314260.post8873030734838366431..comments2024-03-16T16:31:16.652-07:00Comments on Finding Sunday: Thoughts on Mother's Day and the ChurchMindy Swenson Kinnierhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11511083744644878700noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5537420320725314260.post-17449794812302781142014-05-14T09:15:00.529-07:002014-05-14T09:15:00.529-07:00Wow! I wish I knew who you were! You should email ...Wow! I wish I knew who you were! You should email me. Please don't ever feel guilty for skipping church, especially on Mother's Day. I still take regular breaks from church because it can be really overwhelming to be dealing with infertility amidst extremely fertile people. You are not being selfish at all. You have to protect your heart if you are going to be able to be in community with other people, and sometimes that means you have to avoid situations that will hurt you. Please don't feel alone. So many people feel the same way you do, and I don't know anyone dealing with infertility who DOESN'T skip church on Mother's Day. You should definitely email me....I'd love to connect.Mindy Swenson Kinnierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11511083744644878700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5537420320725314260.post-42123527690114781312014-05-12T17:34:10.515-07:002014-05-12T17:34:10.515-07:00Good for you for speaking up, even if people don&#...Good for you for speaking up, even if people don't have ears (or a heart) to hear it. I guess it helps when your husband's the pastor :)Mindy Swenson Kinnierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11511083744644878700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5537420320725314260.post-11171842141866996012014-05-12T17:22:03.835-07:002014-05-12T17:22:03.835-07:00Hi Mindy. I recently found a link to your adoptio...Hi Mindy. I recently found a link to your adoption profile book and have gradually worked my way up to your current posts, then began reading the posts before your profile book. I have shared you blog with my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, and my best friends and have told them all that I feel like I could have written so many posts on your blog. I finally had to comment because this Mother's Day post was the best part of my day yesterday. This is the first year that I decided not to go to church and I felt very selfish for that decision. Like I was devaluing all the mothers in my life...like if the celebration didn't involve me, then I didn't want to be a part of it. When I explained the decision to not attend to my family, it felt very pity party-ish and that wasn't it at all. I love the mothers in my life. I know raising children is hard work and they deserve to be celebrated. Attending church is just too painful, though. I'm always aware that I am not a mother but something about Mother's Day at church...it starts at the entrance and continues at every checkpoint towards the sanctuary and carries throughout the sermon. I can't get away from the emptiness. Staying at home yesterday didn't really help. I still cried, I just didn't have to worry about what my makeup looked like. I was still overly sensitive, but I didn't have to sit quietly and nicely in a sanctuary, so I fought with my husband over every word he said. Anyway, I said all that to say that I felt very, very alone yesterday and your post made me feel less alone. It was so comforting to know that there was another person who felt the way I feel. Not that I want other people to be miserable, I just had no idea that there were other people in the world skipped church on Mother's Day. I felt guilt for skipping church on top of the guilt I felt for feeling like I was being selfish. I know others in my church who long to have children, but the 3rd to last paragraph you wrote really opened my eyes to the hurt of people even beyond the women I was thinking of yesterday. Our greatest purpose is following Jesus and that looks different for all women. This is a ridiculously long comment, but I wanted you to know how thankful I am for your blog and the comfort it has provided since I found it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5537420320725314260.post-11438524917958161612014-05-11T09:06:52.453-07:002014-05-11T09:06:52.453-07:00Amen. Almost every word you have posted, I have sa...Amen. Almost every word you have posted, I have said to PASTORS...ON Mother's Day...sometimes in tears. Most didn't get it and that is sad. But our current church gets it and they also honor ALL women. By the way, the pic right above my post is my all time favorite! So precious, Mindy. And I am with you...I don't ever want to forget the pain or to be celebrated at others' expense. I love you.Dawn Montgomeryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17840582973609462006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5537420320725314260.post-72897997218241085772014-05-10T14:24:25.980-07:002014-05-10T14:24:25.980-07:00I felt the pain of infertility, too, when mothers ...I felt the pain of infertility, too, when mothers were called to stand in church on Mother's Day - the inadequacy, the emptiness, the longing, the feeling of an unfair or unloving God. Then, when I married a man with four young children and became a full-time mother, I stood proudly every year when mothers were asked to stand. Each year, our church gave a plant to the mother who had the most kids with her in church that day. Four or five years after we married, I won the prize. As I was walking through the narthex after the service, I overheard two women (friends, I thought) commenting about what right did I have to win the prize when I wasn't even my kids' "real" mother. It wasn't the first time I had heard the "real" mother or "real" kids comment, even from my own family, but this really stung. It never occurred to me that celebrating Mother's Day in church was not meant for me. I may not have provided the eggs, but I couldn't love my kids more if I had. In subsequent years, I stood when mothers were asked to stand in church on Mother's Day, but I always sat down when they started the special recognition time - not because I was ashamed or felt less than because I wasn't a "real" mother in someone else's eyes, but because I knew that I was, and I didn't need anyone else to validate that for me. My kids, now parents themselves, mean the world to me, and they are the best thing I have done with my life. On Mother's Day, I thank God for entrusting those children to me to raise and for filling my life with joy in a way I could never have imagined without them. I didn't conceive or carry them, but they were born in my heart. Mindy, you will hear comments that you are not Silas' "real" mom, and they will hurt you. Just remember, nearly anyone can make a baby, but not everyone can be a mother. We are mothers, you and I, in every sense of the word. Aunt Bettynoreply@blogger.com